evagabourel

Maybe I was born with it, or maybe I developed it as a coping mechanism when I had to deal with losing my mother and sister within a 9-month span at the age of 15. Whatever the case, I realize that I have a gift…I have always been able to control my thoughts. I miss her terribly but most of the time, I don’t allow myself to wallow in my grief. I’m able to think of her with a smile and tuck her away into the deepest corner of my mind. But sometimes…sometimes on special days, I allow the thoughts to flow and my eyes instantly well up with tears. I’m crying now as I type these words…today would have been my mother’s 61st birthday. Today I allow myself to really think of her, to remember the years she was here with me, to think about the huge hole left in my heart when she went away, to think about how devastated I was when she wouldn’t wake up, when her body felt so cold to the touch and her lips were already blue, when I didn’t understand why she had to leave so soon. Today I allow myself to MISS her…
“No one worries about you like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe, things that happen unwieldy. You cannot turn to her anymore, and it changes your life forever. There is no one on earth who knew you from the day you were born; who knew why you cried, or when you’d had enough food; who knew exactly what to say when you were hurting; and who encouraged you to grow a good heart. When that layer goes, whatever is left of your childhood goes with her.” 

―Adriana Trigiani, Big Stone Gap

My mother taught me confidence in myself. She taught me how to give love unconditionally and how to accept it graciously. She taught me that laughter is the best feeling in the world. She taught me about faith, prayer and God. She taught me humility, generosity, kindness and goodness. She taught me how to sacrifice for those you love. She taught me responsibility, compassion, forgiveness, and persistence.  
I saw my mother beaming with happiness and I saw her broken and sad. I saw the mother who struggled to make ends meet when we were faced with challenging times but I saw the mother who always got us through it. We didn’t always have the best of everything, but we always had something. There was never a birthday without a cake or a christmas without a gift. There was never a day without an “I love you” and there was never a bedtime without a hug. Our home was never short on love…
Although she has been resting in heavenly peace for 17 years now, I still miss my mother with every fiber of my being. But I find comfort in knowing that my mother is beside me and inside me…in everything she ever taught me and in everything she ever knew I could be.   
In the deep recesses of my heart and in my soul, lie bits of my mother. All the memories – of her face, her smile, her eyes, her touch, her voice, her smell, her love are forever held in the treasure chest that is my heart. And sometimes, when I let myself, I sit in quiet peace and relive the memories…yes it makes me sad, but it also makes me happy beyond measure. A soul so beautiful, so cherished, so selfless must be CELEBRATED. Happy Birthday my angel mother. I love you.