Dad,
You are a great man. We haven’t always seen eye to eye and while there are things that we wish could be re-written, it is not our business to dwell on the past.
Sometimes I get mad at you for not taking better care of yourself but I try not to stay mad at you for too long because I know you are doing the best you can. But know too that I know what it feels like to almost lose you and I want to keep you with me for as long as God permits.
I know it cannot have been easy to lose a wife and daughter within a nine-months span. And then having to face raising another teenage daughter on your own along with a mentally disabled son, must have surely been overwhelming to say the least.
We are not perfect but we have built a solid father-daughter relationship that works and for all the things you do that make me mad (you know what they are) you do a hundred other things that make me proud of you.
You are strong and you are kind. You are tough but you have a soft and loving heart. Soft hearts are one of my favorite characteristics in people, if not the most important. You have done a hell of a job taking care of Edward when I moved out and I don’t give you enough credit for it. Great job daddy!
Just as I would do anything for you, I know that you too would do anything for me. As a child and even now in some ways, I’ve always felt that you could protect me from anyone or anything. My daddy, my protector! Knowing that you’re in my corner makes me strong and fearless. That is the true measure of a man and you exceed my expectations.
I think it’s so true what they say…that a little girl never grows up in her daddy’s eyes. It makes me smile but it really touches my heart when you worry about me if I’m taking a drive to anywhere further than work, or if I get on an airplane, or if you don’t get to see or hear from me everyday. I don’t always say it, but it really does mean a lot to me that you worry about me too. At the same time you can be sure that you raised a confident, capable and independent woman who in many ways mirrors your strong character, so you don’t have to worry so much.
Another personality trait that I’m SURE I inherited from you is your sense of humor. I enjoy a good tease and a good joke. And I give as good as I can take. I find humor in almost everything and a big loud bellow of laughter from deep down in my soul is a must, each day.
Thanks dad, for being such a great and wonderful part of my life. Sometimes life gets too busy that we don’t tell the people we love how much they mean to us and I’m very guilty of that. I know it shows in my actions but sometimes you just need to hear it said out loud. I remember as a child, that Mommy raised us to always kiss you and her goodnight and say “I love you.” We haven’t done that in a while but today on Father’s Day here’s a big hug, kiss and “I love you” for your heart from mine.
I love you daddy! Happy Father’s Day!

Maybe I was born with it, or maybe I developed it as a coping mechanism when I had to deal with losing my mother and sister within a 9-month span at the age of 15. Whatever the case, I realize that I have a gift…I have always been able to control my thoughts. I miss her terribly but most of the time, I don’t allow myself to wallow in my grief. I’m able to think of her with a smile and tuck her away into the deepest corner of my mind. But sometimes…sometimes on special days, I allow the thoughts to flow and my eyes instantly well up with tears. I’m crying now as I type these words…today would have been my mother’s 61st birthday. Today I allow myself to really think of her, to remember the years she was here with me, to think about the huge hole left in my heart when she went away, to think about how devastated I was when she wouldn’t wake up, when her body felt so cold to the touch and her lips were already blue, when I didn’t understand why she had to leave so soon. Today I allow myself to MISS her…
“No one worries about you like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe, things that happen unwieldy. You cannot turn to her anymore, and it changes your life forever. There is no one on earth who knew you from the day you were born; who knew why you cried, or when you’d had enough food; who knew exactly what to say when you were hurting; and who encouraged you to grow a good heart. When that layer goes, whatever is left of your childhood goes with her.” 

―Adriana Trigiani, Big Stone Gap

My mother taught me confidence in myself. She taught me how to give love unconditionally and how to accept it graciously. She taught me that laughter is the best feeling in the world. She taught me about faith, prayer and God. She taught me humility, generosity, kindness and goodness. She taught me how to sacrifice for those you love. She taught me responsibility, compassion, forgiveness, and persistence.  
I saw my mother beaming with happiness and I saw her broken and sad. I saw the mother who struggled to make ends meet when we were faced with challenging times but I saw the mother who always got us through it. We didn’t always have the best of everything, but we always had something. There was never a birthday without a cake or a christmas without a gift. There was never a day without an “I love you” and there was never a bedtime without a hug. Our home was never short on love…
Although she has been resting in heavenly peace for 17 years now, I still miss my mother with every fiber of my being. But I find comfort in knowing that my mother is beside me and inside me…in everything she ever taught me and in everything she ever knew I could be.   
In the deep recesses of my heart and in my soul, lie bits of my mother. All the memories – of her face, her smile, her eyes, her touch, her voice, her smell, her love are forever held in the treasure chest that is my heart. And sometimes, when I let myself, I sit in quiet peace and relive the memories…yes it makes me sad, but it also makes me happy beyond measure. A soul so beautiful, so cherished, so selfless must be CELEBRATED. Happy Birthday my angel mother. I love you.

Written June 20 2013

Little Sister, hard to believe I’ve been without you even longer than I had you…no matter how many years go by it still feels like you were here only yesterday. That’s how deep your memories have been imprinted on my heart. I still remember all our silly fights that always started with me teasing you. We were playing a card game of PIG one time and even though You won I started teasing you “piggy” till u started crying and actually got so mad we had a WWE-worthy wrestling match lol
Then I remember our last night together…I had been out to the Blue Hole with friends and when I got home that night you told me you loved me and that you missed me. I said I loved you too but not with enough emphasis according to you because you retorted “lawd gyal seh it like u mean it”. I did mean it. Then u had a headache that night and I made you soup with too much black pepper but you didn’t complain even though you ordinarily would have. Then we opened a package our cousin had sent for us from New York. We wore the same size so that should have been drama but you so graciously made me choose what I wanted first…again so unlike you.
Then while we slept dad woke me up to say he’d be right back. He was just going to drive home his friend from Esperanza. He normally woke you as you were a lighter sleeper than I was but for some reason he woke me that night. As I was falling back asleep I heard what I thought was snoring so I jokingly peeped over to your bed and said “gyal stop snore mein” and then it just continued for a little longer. Upon closer look I noticed your arms were all twisted and your eyes were rolling back into your head and you were still making that snoring noise. It was then I realized something was wrong and I tried to wake you up. It didn’t work and when u stopped moving I tried my own desperate version of CPR but u did not respond. You had died in my arms…. I try not to think about that night but on days like today when i know the anniversary of your departure to heaven is tomorrow I can’t help it. I miss you desperately and wish for the times that never were, but that could have been. I know we’d be best friends. I love you and I know and accept that you are gone but its still so hard. You literally died of a broken heart 9 months after losing our precious mother. RIP Ger and mommy…

September 9, 2016

17^th Anniversary of your death

Oneida Angelica August Gabourel

I stumbled upon “In the Garden” by Jim Reeves last week and my eyes welled up with unbidden tears, because it instantly made me remember you and how you’d listen to gospel music on Sundays.  Jim Reeves was one of your favorite singers.

And that’s how it always is…you live on in my heart and in my memories.  I don’t have to force myself to think of you, to remember you, or to miss you because you are a part of me and so many things, people and places in my life remind me of you.  I see you in a stranger’s kind eyes, in the warmth of a genuine smile, in the beauty of nature, in someone who resembles you in some way or another, in the words of a scripture passage…I hear you in the song of birds welcoming the morning, in the verses of your favorite songs, on the lips of those who still remember you and miss you, and in the voice in my head guiding me when there are important life decisions to be made.

I remember your laughter, your smile, your look of love and your hugs.  I remember your beef soup and your stewed chicken and your Christmas bollos.  I remember watching you pin clothes on the line, I remember watching you write down each night in your big red book what number played in Boledo. I remember you with your curly hair wrapped up in a towel straight out of the shower. I remember you teaching Ger and me how to help Grandpa Vir wash his seaweed and haps bottles.  I also remember your exclamation of “que me lleva el tren” when Ger and I were fussing and fighting over nothing or when Edward was being “Bad-ward”.

Mother, I don’t know if I’ll ever know a love greater than yours.  There was nothing you wouldn’t do for me, or for any of your children.  I remember all the sacrifices you made for us and I remember how you always wanted the best for us.  All through my primary school education you were my number one fan and you were always there beside me studying for exams and helping me with homework or practicing for spelling bees.  You told me from an early age that I was smart and that you wanted the world for me.  You always let me believe that I could be anything I wanted to be and you made sure I valued my education.  Your greatest wish was to see me graduate as the Valedictorian of Sacred Heart College and even though you did not get to see it, I did it.

You taught me love, you taught me to appreciate the little things and the big things, you taught me kindness and gratitude, you taught me confidence and humility, and most importantly you taught me about God and faith.   In only 15 years, you were able to teach me all the things that would be most important in helping me to be the woman that I am.  Everything I am I owe to you dear mother.   I hope I make you proud.  I love and miss you always.

“We write to heighten our own awareness of life. We write to lure and enchant and console others. We write to serenade our lovers. We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection. We write, like Proust, to render all of it eternal, and to persuade ourselves that it is eternal. We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it. We write to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth. We write to expand our world when we feel strangled, or constricted, or lonely…When I don’t write, I feel my world shrinking. I feel I am in prison. I feel I lose my fire and my color. It should be a necessity, as the sea needs to heave, and I call it breathing.”~Anais Nin~

#writing #passion

BOG RemarksSHJC Graduation

June 4 2016

Good Evening:

Chairman and Members of the Board of Governors

President of Sacred Heart College

Dean of Sacred Heart Junior College Mr. Fermin Magana

Administrators, Faculty, Staff, Guest Speaker, Invited guests, and Graduates

Sacred Heart College was founded in 1960, the first secondary school in the Cayo District. It has been hailed as, “the best legacy bequeathed by the Roman Catholic Church to an appreciative community in Western Belize.” In 1972, through Fr. Osmond Peter Martin, SHC obtained its permanent home on this campus where we are now gathered. In 1985 then Bishop Osmond Peter Martin established the Board of Governors of Sacred Heart College whose responsibility was to set policy, provide direction and to assist in the overall development of the institution. Over the years, SHC has been blessed with volunteers who are committed to doing just that. I pause here to introduce our present Board of Governors who include: Chairman Mr. Escander Bedran, Vice-Chairman Mr. Luciano Cuellar, Mrs. Isaura Williams, Mr. Lizandro Quiroz, Mrs. Marylee Harrison, Mr. Stephen Sangster, Mrs. Emogene Habet Alcoser, Mr. Manuel Matus, Mrs. Andrea Guerra, Mr. David Morey, Mrs. Penny Alfaro, myself Eva Gabourel and ex-officio members Fr. Benjamin Roblero and Mrs. Rocio Carballo.  

Sacred Heart Junior College was established in 1999 and the class of 2001 was its first graduating class. I myself am a proud alumni of SHJC. I graduated from this fine institution in 2003 (after graduating from Sacred Heart College in 2001) Now fast forward 15 years later and here we are with the Cohort of 2016.  

You know, one of the greatest things about Sacred Heart College Inc of which SHC and SHJC are both partners, is its people and their long term commitment. Just looking around, and I’m sure even as some of the parents of graduating class look around, we see so many familiar faces of teachers, faculty and staff who have been here for more years than we would like to count. I went to High School with Ms. Ayuso, and here she is a very familiar face and a role model for many at SHJC. Laura with her friendly smile has been here for as long as I can remember and Mr. Fermin Magana, the present Dean of SHJC was my Economics teacher more than 15 years ago. If that does not make them a part of the woodwork of this institution I don’t know what does. Every single member of this institution, is a part of the greater family that is Sacred Heart College. Together we continuously strive for excellence in Education. As SHJC’s mission states, we aim to be catalysts of positive change and as the vision states, we want to holistically transform our members and positively impact Belize. We value quality, accountability, respect, innovation, service and leadership.  

On behalf of the Board of Governors of Sacred Heart College we are proud of the progress SHJC has made and continues to make over the years. We have seen an increase in enrollment of almost 30% last year and we credit this to the introduction of day classes. We are actively working to see to it that SHJC gets a campus of its own so that it can expand at a faster pace and on a larger scale to be able to benefit even more students. But for now, we are trying to maximize our resources to offer the best possible quality of education for our junior college students. We now have our own fully functional multipurpose computer lab and there are now more designated student-friendly areas on campus. Both the High School and Junior College continue to actively work toward the completion of this Auditorium.

Another thing that the Board is very proud of is our progress toward transparency and accountability through systems put in place over the past two years. Progress is a never ending process and we continue to do all we can. Sometimes we meet obstacles, and sometimes we take detours, sometimes we don’t all get along but we never lose sight of the common goal of providing quality education and that’s what’s important.

So THANKS. Thanks to the Faculty and staff and administration who give so much of themselves, who care, who go above and beyond for students and for the institution… who are generous in giving a little or a lot more extra with no expectation of anything in return but simply appreciate the goodness they imprint on our beloved Belize through developing others.

Excellence. Innovation. Productivity.  

That is what SHJC wishes to impart on its students.  

On behalf of the Board of Governors, I would like to extend sincere congratulations to all of the graduates today. Special congratulations to those students who made it on the Dean’s list and to Giann Vasquez for obtaining the highest GPA. Well done to all of you! The world is your playground. Embrace it, enjoy it, develop it but take care of it, and make it a better place for tomorrow’s generation.  

As you leave here and embark upon the next chapter in your lives, whether it is to further education, new employment, or even just an improved life based on the milestone accomplished here today I wish you all the best and a good attitude. A good attitude is everything and a good attitude gets you everywhere. I want you to really think about that.

We say farewell but we hope that you will continue to be a part of this Sacred Heart family in one way or another.

Finally, to conclude, many of you may be familiar with the iconic Muhammad Ali. If you are not may I suggest you “Google” him? He passed away yesterday and as I reflected on all his famous quotes that have inspired me over the years I remembered that when I delivered the thank you address at my SHJC graduation in 2003, I left my peers, as I will now leave you, with this Muhammad Ali quote: “To be a great champion, you must BELIEVE you are the best. If you’re not pretend you are.”  

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

Facebook Post

Written by Eva Gabourel on June 17, 2014

I woke up feeling pretty content today but as I heard from some of my friends this morning sadness crept in and I wish my friends did not have to go through tough times. I wish there was something I could do to make their day better. It’s easy to say “you’re just having a bad day, not a bad life” or “don’t beat yourself up so much – there are people who have it much worse than you” but we are all entitled to and we all do have our moments of weakness – we can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it all.
Personally, I find great comfort in prayer. I believe with all my being there is a greater life force guiding my life and I call on Him every day, not just in times of need. Not everyone believes in this and I respect that too. But I also believe in getting up and going after what YOU desire. YOU need to wake up with drive, with a dream, with ambition – if circumstances are not what you want them to be then perhaps you need to change your circumstances or adapt to the environment you find yourself in until you can move on to a better place. Frustration, anger, self-pity, jealousy, introversion, hate, self-loathing…all do nothing for you. Stationary objects don’t move themselves. Circumstances might not always be favourable but life goes on whether you are ready or prepared or equipped or not. Sometimes your stars are not aligned to be lucky and things might not always work out the way you wanted them to so you have to go to plan B or C or D but the point is you can’t give up. You need to creep until you can walk and run. Progress no matter how small, is progress. Sometimes you have to change the things you are doing if they are leading you backwards instead of forward. Sometimes you need to realize that certain things, certain people are holding you back and you need to figure out that you and your well-being come first and that you can no longer associate with those things and people if your life is to get any better. We are human and we are sometimes afraid of changes, afraid of the unknown, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of losing but we never know until we try. We don’t know how strong we are until we are forced to be strong. We need to set goals for ourselves and we need to give it all we’ve got to achieve them. Success takes hard work.
I know it’s hard to be optimistic when times are difficult but being negative hardly does any good so have your negative thoughts and let them go. Negative thoughts don’t sit well with me, personally. They make me sad and miserable and lonely and when I already know what happiness does for me and how good being happy makes me feel I’d rather be happy. I CHOOSE to be positive with all that I have in me. Sometimes I falter but I have realized early on in life that I can switch my thoughts and I don’t dwell on negative feelings and things for too long. And I don’t know if it’s a trait we all possess or not or if I have a stronger mind than others but I feel that we have power over our own mind – free will if you wish, and I choose to stay in a mental frame that makes me happy and at peace with the world and with others.
Sometimes you have to take risks; you have to dare to be bold. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and ask others for help. But most importantly you have to stop worrying about what other people think about you. Do the things that will improve YOUR life. Nobody else is in the business of being YOU. You and yours are all that matter and the people who genuinely care for you will love and support you no matter what. And you need to stop settling for mediocrity. You need to give your love and energy to people and things that DESERVE them and reciprocate them.

Epileptic Edward

Written by Eva Gabourel on March 26th 2015
On October 27th 1979, a healthy baby boy was born in Santa Elena, Cayo.
At 5 months old, he was sick and his mother took him to a local lady who she believed could cure him. In a wry twist of fate, something went wrong and the baby got sicker. At the time, he had to be rushed to the Belize City Hospital. He had a fever so hot that he had to be given an injection to his head.
Life would never be the same for baby Edward. He suffered brain damage and at 5 months old he became epileptic.
He is now 35 years old and still suffers epileptic seizures, although it does not happen daily anymore. He takes pills daily and has been doing so for as far back as I can remember. Edward is my older brother.
I remember that he was never a ‘normal’ child, in my idea of the word. He never went to school, he couldn’t speak clearly, he never seemed to mature – he always had and still has the mentality of a young child. Our mother was told that he would not live past his teenage years but he’s still here. 
He’s a beast of a boy, with an unimaginable strength. He eats a lot, hardly gets sick and has great long term memory. Even though our mom and younger sister have passed away he still asks for them often, fifteen years later.
I remember growing up that when he had an epileptic seizure, we would try to force him to the floor and hold him down. Sometimes it took a bunch of us to do it, depending on the type of “fits” he was having. Sometimes it would be very a very calm trembling-like seizure or sometimes it was the “jumping” one as we used to call it. Those were the dangerous ones. He would jump and his limbs would be moving chaotically. He often got hurt if nobody knew he was having one. Sometimes he felt some sort of sensation in his stomach right before he got it and we would tell him to lay down right away and hold him down.
It wasn’t until I was here at BNE and did the First Aid course that I learned we were not supposed to hold him down or put anything in his mouth (which we occasionally did to prevent him from biting his tongue.)
Today is Epilepsy Awareness Day and I celebrate my very special little-big brother!

Eva

Updated on October 17th 2019:

*I found out while writing Edward’s Eulogy that he got sick at just a few days old and not 5 months like I originally wrote in this article….